Arid Dreams Read online

  Jiew handed a small pillow to the ma’am for her to rest her head on. Then she gathered her own hair and tied it back. The way she sat on her heels with both arms raised accentuated every curve on her body. What I’d caught a glimpse of that afternoon wasn’t just in my head, and now I was getting a good look at her face. She was beautiful … not in a sweet way like Thais, not in a sharp-featured way like Middle Easterners, and not in a cute way like most Asians. How odd—I thought she looked like an indigenous islander of some kind. Her skin was smooth and brown; her eyes long and tapering; her nose had a defined bridge, with the tip a touch upturned; and her lips weren’t big but had a distinct shape. When she had her arms up, I noticed the muscles there and in her shoulders: this was no delicate flower of a girl but a woman, full-bodied and robust. Her hips and shoulders had a broad elegance about them; her waist was small, her stomach perfectly flat. Would other people see what I saw? That this woman was exceedingly beautiful and alluring? Who else would notice that the top and sarong she was wearing only appeared to be demure but were in fact immensely revealing? They were just thin veils of fabric on her body, with no weight holding them in place—look at them. I had eyes only for the masseuse and didn’t even glance at the farang girl lying prone in her bikini, practically naked now with her top undone. But that sort of baring of the flesh, at a beach tourist destination like this, was so commonplace that you grew immune to it. It simply failed to arouse.

  Jiew rubbed oil over the entire plane of the woman’s back and slowly kneaded, putting weight on her arms and hands at measured intervals. My eyes were on her backside and hips, which moved up and down constantly. From time to time, I had to force myself to look away, for fear that I would be overcome by the desire to run over and take her in my arms. One of those times when I had to avert my eyes, I saw something else that startled me. Not far away, the short man who owned the guesthouse was in the middle of massaging the base of a long-haired male westerner’s neck. Was he a masseuse, too? As it turned out, this husband and wife pair were both masseuses. The husband was working on a man and the wife a woman. Was this by design or a coincidence? If it were the former, would my secret wish to have Jiew massage me even be possible? Maybe her husband wouldn’t allow it, and he might give me the massage himself. If I were to specify that I wanted a massage from her, would that be unseemly? Look at that—I was fuming at the sight—such a stunning woman with a short, dark guy who looked like the controlling type to me. If I knew her any better, I’d ask her to run away with me.

  Since her husband was so close, I had to be more discreet. Staring at Jiew meant having to stare at him, too. At one point, I caught her giving him a sidelong glance and even a little smile. When I looked over at her husband, my heart dropped. He was busy stretching the farang’s arms and shoulders and didn’t even look up. Rather, it was that long-haired westerner who was smiling and ogling at her. That idiot was asking for trouble. Her husband was in the middle of giving him a massage, and he still gawked at the wife. I observed the situation, my mind churning. Jiew was really something else. The woman was bold—she’d dared to make eyes at somebody else right in front of her husband. If that was how things were, I had some hope left.

  After working on the woman’s back, Jiew scooted down to her legs. She spread them, sat in between, and used both hands to press down on the hips, slowly working her way down to the calves and Achilles tendons. Once she was finished, she tapped her customer to flip over. Jiew then got on her knees and lifted the woman’s left leg up, placing the heel on her shoulder and hugging the leg tight. This move really got my attention. My masseuse hadn’t done anything like that to me. I noticed that Jiew held the leg so it wouldn’t bend at the knee and then leaned into it with her shoulder to make the leg more vertical to the ground. Oh, how tightly she squeezed that leg to her chest! Tomorrow, I absolutely had to find a way to get a massage from her.

  The male farang’s massage finished first. As he was walking away, he felt the need to peek back at Jiew one more time. The husband shook out his blanket, collected his supplies, and put them together with the items in her basket. He stretched and then plunked himself down near her, his legs comfortably out in front of him as he casually looked around. I turned away, thinking I should probably head back and shower. Once the massage was over, both of them would surely return to look after guests like me.

  The door to the guesthouse was open, the television blaring from inside. I rinsed my feet and went up into the house, where I saw a young farang couple watching an action movie, cans of beer in their hands. They turned and gave me a little smile. I could hear someone moving around in the kitchen. As it turned out, the cook was a middle-aged woman, not Jiew as I’d thought.

  By the time I’d showered, the owners still hadn’t come back. I sat on the porch waiting for them, wanting to ask about renting the room for another two nights. The sky was beginning to get dark. On the little street in front of the house, people were walking around, a mix of locals and tourists, I noticed. I was beginning to get the picture: the entire village, it seemed, was adjusting to meet the demand from tourists spilling over from the beachfront. The locals were renting out individual rooms to them—mom-and-pop operations, like a cross between guesthouses and homestays. These places didn’t have signage, and they hadn’t made improvements to accommodate tourists. The grocery down the way was particularly bustling. On a bench out front, three westerners were sitting in a row, tipping their beer bottles back from time to time.

  The short man was back. I was crestfallen to see he’d returned by himself. I wasted no time asking him about the possibility of extending my stay, but it was too late. The two nights had been snapped up by somebody else. If I wanted to stay, it would have to be the subsequent nights. I could only shake my head because I didn’t have that much time. What a shame that I’d made the wrong decision. Once again, I was paying for my stupidity. All I could do was accept the news with my head bowed and retreat to come up with a new plan. I was in a truly terrible mood by this point, but I tried to stay positive to not ruin my vacation entirely. I reminded myself that I’d made up my mind to go back to the mainland tomorrow and visit that woman, but I’d gotten sidetracked and started thinking nonsense when I saw Jiew again. I shouldn’t get too worked up because ultimately all I’d get was to have her massage me for an hour or two—that was it.

  I needed to let it go, to stay my course—that would be best. To prevent myself from changing my mind yet again, I called the girl I intended to visit, to gauge from her voice whether she was up for meeting me tomorrow. She accepted immediately and enthusiastically, repeating that she’d been thinking about it for ages. I chuckled, and felt my confidence revive little by little. We teased and flirted, rekindling the past, neither of us keen to hang up. I got up and walked over to the grocery, bought three cans of beer, and came back to the porch. I sat there drinking and chatting on the phone for another half hour before we said goodnight.

  Feeling better, I got ready to go and do some evening scouting of the beach. I would have been on my way had I not passed right by the owner, who was standing there talking on his cell phone. He said to Jiew that she should hurry back straight away because there was a client who wanted to take the whole night. I stopped in my tracks. When I looked up, I saw that young, long-haired farang hanging around awkwardly in front of the house. I stood still, processing the whole scene. I’d definitely heard it right. He told Jiew to hurry back because someone had asked to take the whole night. I wanted to keep walking, but my body wouldn’t budge. It was as if a part of my mind were commanding me to turn around, walk back up to the house, and slump down in one corner of the porch to keep watch.

  I had to see it with my own eyes: What was the actual situation? What had I misunderstood? Was Jiew not the owner’s wife? I could hardly believe she was a woman who sold her services. I kept my eyes on the farang. He was standing there waiting patiently, his right hand holding a cigarette and his left hand in his pants pocket. Casually
on his feet, he had his face slightly upturned, trying to come off cool to passersby. I wanted to vomit just looking at him.

  Here she came. She was walking empty-handed, the basket with her massage supplies nowhere to be seen. Her arrival prompted a smile from the farang, who made no move toward her. Jiew was the one to approach him, grace him with a smile, and say a few words. He nodded and stepped closer, planting a kiss on her left cheek. Eyes shining, she smiled and led him inside the house by the hand. She then signaled him to sit down and wait on the porch while she went into the room next to mine. A moment later, she reemerged in a sarong and with a towel thrown over her shoulders and walked through the kitchen to the bathroom. While I was observing, the farang was watching, too. He sprang up to follow her. But me, I wasn’t allowed. All I could do was sink back in my seat like a fool. What could I do but berate myself? I’m an idiot, a stupid, stupid idiot. It served me right. I might as well forget about having any of my dreams come true. By now that damn farang was probably having the time of his life helping Jiew shower. I got up in a huff and stormed over to the grocery and bought a six-pack. I took the beers back to the porch and started drinking. Why was I so stupid?

  I went into the kitchen, pretending to look for something, but in truth I wanted to spy on what was happening in the bathroom area. As it happened, Jiew wasn’t showering in the bathroom. She was using the shower on the cement landing, and the farang guy was sitting on the steps leading down from the kitchen, smoking. I could hear her chatting with him in halting English, and I could hear him laughing, enjoying himself. I went back to the porch. There was nothing I could do but throw back another beer. A while later, Jiew led the man into the room and shut the door.

  I must have gone insane. Instead of going out for a stroll, to enjoy food and drink and the lively beachside ambience, I went and locked myself in my room. I put my ear against the wall, trying to eavesdrop on them. When I ran out of beer, I went to buy more. I drank until I passed out. What a depressing vacation.

  A KNOCK ON the door woke me up. When I grabbed my watch and looked at it, I realized it was already eleven a.m. I quickly jumped out of bed and stuffed my things into my bag. Once I opened the door, I saw the situation: two Asian girls, I’m not sure from what country, were waiting for my room, and Jiew, now in a dark blue kawgrachow top and a red-and-black sarong, was standing there like a housekeeper waiting to clean. With fresh sheets slung over her left arm, she smiled and told me to take my time—just remove my bag and from there I could use the bathroom and have some coffee at my leisure. I nodded to show I’d heard but didn’t look her in the eye. Jiew walked past me to go clean the room. Me, I went to the bathroom to get ready. Right now my objective was clearer than anything: get to the mainland fast and go meet the woman I’d made plans with.

  All set to leave, I swung my backpack on and got going right away. The short man was at the door to see me off. “Thank you, sir. Best of luck.” I forced a smile. If only! Staying here, I couldn’t catch a break. Down the street, there was a local stir-fry and curry joint. I stopped in to have a bite since it was on the way, and I didn’t want to lose any time going to one of the fancy places on the beach. I felt a breeze from the west as I was eating, a huge relief from the heat. Fifteen minutes later, as I was paying for the food, a woman walked by. I didn’t know if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I swore it was Jiew. From the way she was dressed, though, it seemed unlikely. I stood up and headed out. I was so head-down-focused on walking that it took me a while to realize that I was following the woman from a moment ago. From behind, I saw a loose braid under a white baseball cap, a white button-down with the sleeves casually rolled up, navy-blue cargo pants, and sturdy closed-backed shoes in blue and white. My stride was longer and quicker than hers so I was gradually catching up. Part of me thought it was Jiew, but another part of me thought it couldn’t be—I’d just seen her in a sarong a little while ago. And even if it was, so be it. I wasn’t going to lose my head again. I sped up, trying to overtake her. She glanced back when she realized someone was on her heels.

  It really was Jiew. She smiled upon recognizing me. I smiled back, just enough to be polite. She asked me why I was rushing back. I’d almost passed her but because she struck up a conversation, we ended up walking side by side. Now the sun suddenly disappeared, even though it had been beating down a minute ago. We both looked up, seeing dark clouds spreading over half the sky. With stiff winds, the clouds were moving quickly. I couldn’t believe it was going to rain.

  “I only reserved the room for one night. I was thinking about extending, but I decided too late,” I told her.

  “Really? Do you want to stay on? I could probably find something for you,” Jiew said, her expression earnest.

  “It’s okay. I’ve already made other plans. What about you? Are you on your way to do massages by the beach?”

  “I’m off today. I have to go give my mother a massage in the hospital.”

  “Oh, really? Is she all right?”

  “She had a stroke. She can’t move the left side of her body.”

  I nodded. I didn’t know what else to say. We walked on together in silence, heading for the pier. The woman I’d been infatuated with yesterday, today she was walking right next to me. She had such an open, honest way of speaking that you’d never be able to tell that she was a prostitute. When I really thought about it, she was one hardworking woman. She took care of the guesthouse in the morning, and in the afternoon she worked as a masseuse. When night fell, she sold her services. And on top of that, she had to look after her mother who was sick in the hospital … Learning these things made me more aware of the other aspects of her person. The only catch was, us men, if all we wanted was to sleep with a woman, we should avoid learning too many details about her, or our lust would dissolve into other feelings.

  We quickened our pace because of the rain. From the wind, it seemed a storm was upon us. By the time we reached the pier, we were soaked. No ferry would be coming in or out until the weather cleared. Even under the roof, everything was being sprayed by the rain, now blowing sideways. The sea appeared misty and white, and you couldn’t see very far out. We went over to a bench that seemed a good spot to escape the downpour. As soon as we sat down, Jiew struck up a conversation again.

  “If you really aren’t in a hurry to leave and you don’t mind not having a private room, we could arrange a sleeping area in the main part of the house and even put up a mosquito net for you. You could also rent a tent and sleep on the beach,” she suggested.

  I started to waver. “But don’t you need to look after your mother? How would you be able to arrange it for me?”

  She laughed. “I’d just call the guesthouse and let them know. Then it’d be all set.”

  I listened, not yet responding to her offer. Between the moment we’d started walking together and now, sitting here getting misted by the rain, I’d been discreetly studying her. Today she seemed like a friendly, sincere average local woman. It was curious how her sexuality, so palpable yesterday, had completely vanished. Perhaps it was due to her clothing, or perhaps she fully intended the effect—when she wasn’t working, she didn’t need to turn on her charms. Or perhaps it was me: so angered and embarrassed by my own stupidity that I’d lost my desire. I couldn’t deny that there may have been a more perverse reason for my waning interest: my discovery that Jiew was a prostitute, not the wife of a local as I’d initially understood. The thought made me flinch. How could I be so vile? I’d been completely consumed by lust, by my desire to sleep with someone else’s wife. But once I realized her trade, and the fact that I could actually have her, I’d lost all interest, just like that.

  I never responded about extending my stay; we just chatted about the weather. It rained for an incredibly long time. A handful of locals were the only other people waiting for the ferry. Because it was Saturday, I seemed to be the only tourist who wanted to leave. Jiew went back and forth between talking with me and occasionally greeting other
people, mostly ferrymen and longshoremen. There were some playful exchanges but nothing indecent. Other than that, they talked casually, like people from the same hometown who were well acquainted with one another.

  I observed her the entire time. One thing puzzled me. I didn’t know how Jiew managed it—how was it possible that none of these men, who must surely be aware of her profession, ever verbally crossed the line or behaved inappropriately toward her, even a little? I’d come across plenty of prostitutes, and I’d seen enough of how men treated them, so I found it hard to believe that on a day when such a woman was off duty, every man would just stop viewing her in those terms. Was our conscience really so evolved?

  I finally boarded the ferry at three in the afternoon. I again sat beside Jiew, but this time I did it on purpose. I wanted to act more forward. Since I thought of her as a friend now, I wanted to tell her how I’d been feeling before.

  “Did you notice me at all yesterday?” I asked her bluntly.

  “Of course. I saw you throughout the day,” she replied, not yet understanding what I was getting at.

  “I don’t know what came over me. I’d never seen a young woman in a sarong and a kawgrachow top before. Seeing you in that outfit … I was completely beside myself.”

  She laughed. “No wonder! I saw you sitting there watching me while I was giving a massage.”

  “Yes. I’ll be honest. Yesterday, I really wanted to sleep with you because of that outfit you were wearing.”

  “Really? Just because of my outfit?” she said with a laugh as she looked at me fondly.

  “I’m serious. When you were dressed that way, you—forgive me—you looked incredibly sexy. Yesterday while I was getting a massage on the beach, I closed my eyes and imagined that the masseuse was you.”

  “Oh, you got a massage yesterday? You should have told me.”

  I sighed. “I didn’t know! It was so infuriating. I only realized when I was walking back and saw you massaging that Western woman. I watched you for ages. That was when I decided to extend my stay, just so I could get a massage with you.”